Things I did today:
- Graduate classes
- Did 30 minutes on the elliptical (after doing 45 yesterday)
- Shower and Bath
- Watched The Quiet Man
A few months ago, these would not be things that I would celebrate, or even bother to worth mentioning. So, why am I? Because this is the first time in months that I felt like I nailed EVERY SINGLE THING today. Work, easy and the kids were good in class. Graduate classes, I didn’t feel like I was in a fog and was just on top of the readings. Plus, I remembered to print out my paper (damn it, has fibro messed with the simple tasks).
Now, working out two days in a row is a feat to be celebrated. Yesterday, I was having a pretty good day and I decided that I was going to go to gym. I ended up doing way more than I expected-45 minutes of a decent sweat on the elliptical. Once again, this is such a little task. This is something that is a day in the life for most people, but for me…I was just like “YASS Queen!”Okay. I didn’t say that…But, the constant drive in my head was saying that I could keep going.
I woke up this morning thinking, “Okay, this is going to suck.” But, low and behold; I felt good. Legs were sore, but they were a worked out sore…not the sore than I have been dealing with for months now. I was happy. Going up the steps at work, I was pissed off at my body like I usually am. I felt like I was back to what I used to be before the fibro. So, I did a little but more today. Now, I could only do 30 minutes. It was hard, I was tired, and I could feel it in my body that I needed a break. So, got off. Making sure that I didn’t feel defeated by the time, but more focusing on the fact that I did to cardio workouts in a row. Maybe next week I can do three in a row, maybe I’ll stick to do. I decided that I am not going to worry about what next week and what next month will bring–because I have to focus on the present. What I can do in the here and now..now what I might be able to do tomorrow. I’ll worry about that later.
Now, I was flipping through the channels when I got home I saw that The Quiet Man was on. Now, if there is anything at all that you should know about me is that I love all things Irish. I love John Wayne. And, I want to be Maureen O’Hara when I grow up. This movie has all three things. This was a favorite movie of my father’s, and I think about him every time it’s on. It instantly puts me in a good mood. I long for the time that I will be able to retire in a Irish cottage on Galway Bay, for my children and grandchildren to listen to the stories of my family and their lasting history in their world.
I was in high school when I first watched this movie, and I decided right there and then that I wanted to marry a man like Sean Thornton. Strong. Quiet. Dependable. Thoughtful. Compassionate. Passionate. He was a man that gave up fighting because he killed a man, but he fought a man for the woman that he loves. There is something so perfect and wonderful about that, and something that I always have wanted in my life. My father, in many cases, reminds me of Sean Thornton–besides for killing a man that is. And, I am pretty sure that Dad, to my knowledge, has not been in any fights. That I know of. But, he was quiet. He was strong. He was most certainly dependable and thoughtful. Compassionate and passionate all in one.
After having several bad weeks in a row, coming home from classes and seeing a truck for the company that he used to work for and being able to catch The Quiet Man on TV was my father throwing me a little smile from heaven. I try not to get sad about things like this, but it does make me miss him. I try to rejoice in the little pieces of my Dad that are still revealed to me. So, when I am able to feel like the me I know I cam be, and have my Dad reach out to me, it’s a good day.